Aug. 23rd, 2008 12:00 am
silver_rose86: (Strength)
I spent a short period hanging out with Bel today.  I found, what I've slowly been finding recently, that I just don't care anymore.  I don't care about my former 'friends' at Medieval Times, I don't care about the Clover, I don't care about the pirates who don't care about me.  It's not an easy feeling to come by.  For many friends I felt duty bound to give them a few more chances, others I just couldn't let go of.  Now, I just don't have it in me to care about those that don't care about me.  I don't have the time or the energy to waste on them. 
I have a lot of good in me. I'm a loving person, I'm talented, I'm loyal.  All that energy needs to be spent in a way that's beneficial to me, though.  I also need to feel like me.... and waiting for my 'friends' to finally get around to remember their my friend is not who I am.  I have new people in my life who do care.  More than that, I'm remembering how much I care about me.  I miss singing, I miss dancing, I miss getting up excited for the day, I miss creating works of art because the world inspires me so much.  I'm going to continue being cautious, I've learned my lessons well, and no one is going to be able to take me away from me again.
I'm free.
Now it's time to find a decent job, find a vocal coach, get in shape, find a place to express myself and my music, and start living like me again.


May. 20th, 2008 10:23 pm
silver_rose86: (Pagan)
Love is not, contrary to popular belief, never having to say you're sorry.  Love is also not ignoring or overlooking the failings and faults of your beloved, beloveds, or any collection of loved ones in between one and a hundred.  Even under the best of circumstances, in the best of times, through the least of stress, struggle, and strife, Love is not something that happens easily, without effort, or by any simple means.  Love is what most people will never have the privilege to experience, despite the fact that everyone has the right.  Love is also a very stubborn force.

In the past few days, I've been reminded of all of these things.  A cascade of bad timing, stress, health problems, insecurities, and generalized misfortunes called into focus the utter lack of invincibility of my relationship.  At the same time, those same factors demonstrated the reassured abundance of that same quality, beyond the doubts of any naysayer.  We're still together, side by side, standing strong, faithful, and true.  I'm rather excited about it, to be honest, because it looks as though our future together is going to be even brighter, despite the occasional light bulb in need of replacing or star going supernova.

All is well, though we still have to earn it the rest of the way.  We still have to pay the price of wiping off the face of the earth connections to those who would do us harm, see us split, or otherwise interfere.  Tarhebus also has to learn how to laugh at stupidity.  An air strike?  If the military blew up his car, I'd have to find a new way to get around.  If the military blew up the apartment... well, I live here too.  We also share a workplace, so that target is out too.  Not to mention, of course, the fact that I'd be rather upset if anyone, military or otherwise, blew up my Tarhebus.  I like having him around, he's too pretty to destroy.  In fact, they're not even allowed to cut his hair, much less his lifespan.

Tarhebus is sitting beside me, doing the typing on this post.  His ego is making a few edits of its own, but I'm not letting him go fully TMI.  Suffice to say, he's too sexy and naughty for even my most devoted livejournal friends to know.  We write together, sans filters, sans fear and move forward as only two people truly in love can.

I guess the main point of all of this is that we're still together, and everything's going to be fine, because we're going to work together to make sure it ends up that way.  Life requires a certain amount of effort in order for its rewards to be more than the grand prize of a reality show.


silver_rose86: (Default)

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